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Discourse should be away from the public eye. Or at least, thats how I feel. Punctually, I need to begin to fix up my vernacular and err on the side of professionalism. I’d rather not share my thoughts with those who I barely even know. Thats an extreme waste of time. Lets be honest here, people are judgmental by nature. Anymore that I might have to write or say leads to some form of description of me. Words are pretty powerful. oh god. could

not even put that up to the public.

i realize. i have a terribly tough time forming close knit relationships and letting people into my past. why is that? i never really knew. but i feel like the past is just better left unsaid and its not the past that matter

maybe its cause my past sucked terrible balls and i just want to look into a brighter future.

SUCKS WHEN YOU CANT TELL SOMEONE SOMETHING TAHTS BOTHERING YOU CAUSE YOU KNOW IT’LL CHANGE THE DEGREE OF THE ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP. 

maybe one day i’ll type normally. maybe one day i’ll get my stuff together and finally realize my potential. this quarters ending, next quarter’s beginning. time to start anew right? FUCKING HELL. 

there is something suppppppppeerr wrong with me i know it. cause i feel like somethign is eating at me and i dont even want to say what it is to my own self. i should have expected it. i always knew. but i never wanted to know. i cant believe im even being very…roundabout on this journal where no one else can see it LOL. 

but i guess this just means i dont want the realize it still.

i need a looonnng time off. no really i do. let things just calm the hell down and then get back into the grind of things. winter quarter is gunna be amazing bro

life is what you make of it. and you know what? imma make it amazing. I definitely will. 

i gotta clean up my act. why do i feel so…idk cant even explain it LOL gotta calm down.

fuck smoking bro. never do it. seriously 

i mean cigs. they’ll wreck for sure

december 9, 2011

wow—>Whoa.

bucketlist

- smoked with a prof: babak rahimi

- first legit time feeling legit high

- super asian glow

- x faded holy god. its the shit errthing slow and like a time machine replaying things over and over. idk its insane. took a while though… 9-10 hits and its my…

s, s, s, travis’ bday, nima 

fifth time before i legit felt it. 

still really idk if its high today. its a light feeling for sure. maybe im tired. probably

craziest time trying to be normal

need to find my phone…oh god. thats not good

i think ill add stuff that i do to this and make it a bucketlist crossout thing of sorts. so i can organize it

sometimes, i feel lost and that i dont know myself.

met someone in my dreams… cant remember their name…

was in the library or w/e not giesel tho probably biomed or something…

was pre-law/readings major or some sht lol

ehhh neways i got their email and w/e..but for though it was too much effort so i gave mine instead to them. fack definitely not the best idea since now idk if they real or not :/

side note.. potatoes were beign mashed..not sure what that means LOL

oh well. maybe one day ill look back at this and be like good god its the person from my dream! taht is, if i ever do meet them

you know… im actually excited after talking to my big about journals and now feel pretty inspired to write one myself- long term though, not like start up and end you know? LOL geeze

whelp, finals wed, fri fri fri 

lovely. 

kinda half half on me goign to voting and initiation. im gald some ppl actually realized i took the time to make it despite being super tired. above all i guess it was a good day, got better when kim gave me bread from 85, dun remember having it before, but i guess i reallize that i might have never have had it before so maybe thats why 

if i ever read this again, i see shoudl remember that its a momentous night.

she says i should lose myself for one person. i agree. but have i already? i ddont think so…but tbh i really dont know.. usually its always teh otehr way around. im not much of an initiator thats for sure…never have been so thats a huge readon as to why idk. 

which makes it all teh more depressing when i feel like its not reciprocated and i feel that im going wayyy outta my way for someone- WHICH NEVER HAPPENS. but hey. thats karma right?  time to focus and block tumblr now on this blocking app of mine

inc new journal

i think i should keep a journal using this so it wont go to waste. 

methinks this will definitely help express myself, and im pretty sure this will never get out.

this can only help haha

i can probably even bring out some photos and what not. 

yep.

starting soon~ if i can keep it up for a year. wow i wont how tight that would be

whoops: edit* i meant wonder. 

i think i wont delete anythign i type nor correct it to see how much i can improve/ yep… lol it’ll definietly help me a lot.. A LOT whoops corrcted a couple. le sigh

watch out for aleks levin…cant trust this nig anymore lol

and flores…not cool